The Fatboy BBQ
Let’s admit it. We’re fat. Since I’ve started this, I’ve gained 50 pounds. Yes, I’m tall. I’m 6 foot 4. Maybe I could do more with less. Maybe I should be 5 foot 7. Maybe I should be 160 pounds. Maybe I should wear 10×10 jeans. But I don’t. I’m tall, fat, hairy. I miss spots on my face when I shave. I think the “blink” tag is pretty cool. Gets my attention.
Let’s say it now. One bottle of wine is not enough. That just gets us warmed up. Bordeaux glasses are better than Burgundy glasses. But a pinot noir is better than a pinot gris. By far. A rib-eye is better than a rib roast. Roast turkey is better than roast rye. Do you know what I’m saying? If you’re going to be fat:
Have sponsors! We do. Joyeur is filled, no, bloated, with monumentally fat people. You understand. You want tacos? Tossed salad? They’re all in our stomachs. And the shortest way to a company’s stomach is through its sponsorships.
Need some charcoal? We recommend Kingsford. It lights easily, burns brightly, roasts warmly. Need a stout beer? We recommend Guinness. Need a german ale? Try Spaten Optimator. Need a light green tea? Try Tetley. In the sealed bag. Ikea provides our office chairs for guests. We prefer San Anselmo Coffee Roaster for coffee (french roast, whole bean). Organic meats are from Niman Ranch. Volvo provides station wagons. Dell plasma televisions enlighten us with movies from Focus Features, a valued partner. Jeesh, was Brokeback Mountain cool? Or what? Our china is french, but we are still looking for a partner. Ferragamo provides our venture-presentation shoes. Southwest is our airline within the contiguous United States. We use American, Qantas, Delta, United, Virgin, and Aeroflot for international travel. Google AdWords powers our growth. Our whiskey is Talisker. Our golf ball the Noodle.
I think pinto beans produce the most methane. But what does Robert Scoble know? Someone just landed in Switzerland and broadband is too expensive.
Do you want seconds? Reuse.
3 Responses
I don’t know if anyone reads your blog, but it’s friggin hilarious! Quoting my co-worker, “This is the best corporate blog.” I must confer.
I’m not fat (at least I don’t think I am), nor am I hairy, but I can empathize with you on the blink tag. Why does Textile not support that?
Your whiskey is nice and all, but you should try Ardbeg. The 10 year old is one of the finest tasting, most under-rated malts around.
Why restrict yourselves to one whisky when there’s so much gorgeous variety out there? We’ve got Laphroig, Ardbeg and Highland Park in the
officehouse, with a definite desire to have all of the ‘floor malts’ incorporated into the collection soon. And Glenmorangie is a regular favourite when we’re out at the pub.And if you think Guinness is good, you should try to acquire some Orkney Dark Island (hmm, the official site is being ‘redesigned’). It’s, well, the best beer in the world ever.